My battlefield of Panic

I have really been struggling with panic attacks lately. I hate them! They make me feel so scared. They make me feel like a little girl who can’t find her dad, or like someone in my family has just died but I don’t know which one.

I hate the mind sometimes. The power it has to create feelings and then never resolve them. I had an attack last night. I did everything right yesterday, eat a well balanced meal, worked out, when to bed early, and still all the above didn’t keep the monster away.

All I remember is waking up from a bad dream, sweating like crazy and having major stomach problems. And when I say major I mean my body makes me think I have the stomach flu. It is horrible. So I have to start the regiment of getting gum, a wet rag, freezing myself down and then getting someone on the phone to get my mind of the panic. For most people, throwing up is no big deal, but for me it is like one of the worst thing ever. It is most defiantly my biggest fear, throwing up, passing out and dying right there on the floor. And that thought process right there is the problem, in my mind, throwing up leads to death. I have talked through this with therapist, but not much has worked.

Thank fully, the attack normally lifts after about 45 minuets, and this one followed that path. Some day I know I will ever have an attack again. And maybe that was the last one. Maybe I am done with them. That would be really nice.